The Magnificent Seven

File this one under: movies made because holy shit Denzel will be way too old to do this real soon.

Disclaimer: I haven’t seen the original or the film that inspired them both. So I have to review this one on its own merits.

An evil robber baron has explained to a backwater town that he runs things now and they must mine gold for him or he will wreck everything. We know he’s serious because he burns their church down and kills a couple folks for good measure. For some reason he gives them three weeks to decide.

The prettiest townsperson decides she doesn’t want to give up the town without a fight and goes in search of help. She finds Chisolm (Denzel Washington), a state sponsored bounty hunter who agrees to help her way too eagerly. He assembles a ragtag crew of four guys, that two others randomly join. I wonder what number that makes if you include Denzel? Anyway, they head off to teach the town how to defend itself.

This film is basically if Michael Bay directed a Western. From the orange color palette, the plethora of explosions, and putting actors into genres outside of their abilities (looking at you and your “western” persona Chris Pratt.) Loud, mindless, and mostly dumb is the result. But, if you can turn off your brain, the action is fun if frantic, and the general level of acting talent is good. Easy movie night pick since it’s currently free on Hulu. Although it is way too long.

2.5 out of 4 stars.

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